It's okay, you can ask
Learning to embrace my disability
When I’m meeting someone new, I often get greeted with some stares at my nub. The person tries their best not to glance too long and I know they want to ask, but they don’t because to them it may come across as rude.
But then it turns into this awkward dance of who’s going to bring it up first which usually ends up me making a joke about my nub. This works to break the silence and we can finally move on to something else.
I can’t blame them, because people are curious. Also, there are not many of us roaming around, which is a big reason why it piques people’s curiosity. Growing up, I only knew one other kid who had a similar disability as me.
I used to be super shy about my nub and hid it everywhere I went. I would hide it under sweatshirts, in pockets, etc. When I couldn't avoid hiding it, I would lead with "Just so you know, I have one hand. Sorry if this makes you uncomfortable" before I met anyone new. Looking back, I cringe at how I apologized for my own existence. But that's what insecurity does to you, it makes you feel like you need to apologize for who you are.
When I was uncomfortable with my nub, it made others uncomfortable too. I realized that if I made it awkward, it would be awkward. However, I could also make light of the situation, and others would do the same.
As I got older, I became more comfortable in my skin and coined the nickname the One Hand Wonder Man to embrace my uniqueness. These uncomfortable "should I bring this up" moments slowly disappeared. What I thought was a big deal in my head turned out to be nothing. No one cared about my disability. I didn't have to make this awkward and try to play out scenarios in my head of how my interactions would go.
For those of you out there with visible differences, here's my advice, own it. Your difference is part of your story, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. And for those interacting with someone who has a visible disability, it's okay to be curious. Most of us would rather you ask respectfully than stare or make assumptions.
I love being able to talk about my disability and I don’t want to pretend that it isn’t there. What makes us unique is often what makes us interesting.
Thank you for reading,
Max