Dealing with PTLD (Post Traumatic Layoff Disorder)
Every time my work email signs me out I panic
I can vividly remember the feeling of getting that 6 am email about a meeting happening in 30 minutes. My optimistic self brushed it off as a possible time zone confusion. But then, looking at my manager’s back-to-back meetings with my co-workers, I knew something was up.
It was a short and scripted call. The usual "sorry this is happening" spiel that sounds eerily similar to the “it’s not you, it’s me” breakup line. I was told that day would be my last, but I would have access to my email for another 24 hours to save anything I needed. On the bright side, I was getting severance—not a lot, but better than nothing.
Time seemed to stand still. A job I had poured so much energy into for years was suddenly over. I felt anger, sadness, relief, optimism, and everything else. This was my first layoff, and I had no idea what to do.
Here to share my story a bit more.
*For transparency, my layoff was for a two-month period. And not to diminish what I went through, but I also recognize that others have experienced much longer layoff periods and I wanted to acknowledge that.
The most common advice I received after my layoff was to take some time for myself and relax before jumping back into job hunting. While well-intentioned, it didn’t fit me. I find a lot of satisfaction in getting things done. I have a hard time sitting still; my mind is always racing, and I like being busy. The more I write this, the more it probably makes sense for me to explore these issues, but I’ll save that for another day haha.
I thrive on routine and knowing what I am doing each day, and not having a job took that away. To combat this, I treated my job search like a job (because, let’s be real, it is). I followed my morning routine, exercised, and went to my office to apply for jobs, work on my resume, network, etc. I did this every working day to bring back some normalcy in my life. This isn’t a routine that works for everyone, but I needed it.
I kickstarted my 5x5 rule for networking. For some, talking to others depletes their energy; for me, it energizes. I love connecting with others, and this was the perfect time to do so.
My goals were simple: to catch up with people, support them on their journey, and stay top of mind. One major lesson I learned from freelancing full-time was the importance of staying on top of mind, which led to more clients and growth. I applied this approach to my job hunt.
Plus, I got to meet so many awesome community friends I hadn’t made time for while working full-time. This was a major added benefit!
One skill set that I was super grateful for during this process was having prior freelancing experience. Because of this, I worked with a few clients with their consulting and marketing needs which allowed some income to come in. It wasn’t anything near what was coming in with my previous salary, but it did help close the gap.
It also reminded me about how lucky I was for taking the career journey that I did. I used to get down on myself about freelancing for 5+ years because I felt like it held me back in my career. But having gone through this layoff, I’m so grateful that I did freelance because now I could make some extra income when I needed it most.
During this time, I got to work closely with my friend and mentor Brian when he launched his Community Strategy Academy. The timing worked out because as I was going through the layoff, he was just about to launch his new courses. I bugged him quite a bit in asking if I could help test any bugs, support on the website, marketing advice, etc.
I also ended up taking all of the courses he had to offer and developed my knowledge for community building principles from one of the best to do it. I’m a forever learner, and this was only going to benefit me in my search.
I’m a big believer in manifesting and speaking things into existence. During this time, I took to my journal to write. I used this to help build my confidence before and after interviews, during low periods when I was not feeling great, and every evening to get my thoughts out.
Using this practice helped me a lot when I needed it most. Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts in my head, the act of getting them onto paper felt like a release and allowed me to move forward.
One of the toughest aspects of this layoff was dealing with the ups and downs, and the waiting. I’m working on my patience, but it’s not my strongest suit. This period caused a lot of uncertainty and drove me up the wall.
The constant waiting to hear back about the next round or from an opportunity was mentally exhausting. I also started to doubt myself a bit when I didn’t land opportunities or got that auto-rejection email. I knew in the back of my mind that it was just a part of the process, but it didn’t ease the sting of being rejected.
The self-doubt has a way of creeping up on you when you’re looking for work. The constant thoughts of “Am I good enough?” or “There’s so many others who are more qualified.” tended to show up a lot during this process. It’s easier said than done trying to ignore these thoughts, but getting outside helped.
My daily walks saved me. I spent a lot of time outside walking, venting to friends, and getting away from my screen when I could. It didn’t solve the issue of looking for work, but it allowed me to escape a bit with some fresh air, which did wonders for my mental health.
This whole process is a lot, and if I’ve learned one thing through it, it’s that you don’t need to go through it alone.
This was an interesting time, to say the least. I was forced to be more patient, spend more time being uncomfortable, and allow myself to trust that things would work out.
It was also a reminder that going through this layoff was no reflection on who I am or the work that I was doing. It wasn’t my fault, and sometimes situations like this happen that are outside of our control.
Fast forward to today, it’s been a year since my previous layoff. While I’m fortunate and grateful to be working at a great company with amazing people, I’m still scared. I’m still scared of that “we need to meet” meeting, my email suddenly not working, and waking up to find I’m logged out of all my accounts. My already overly worried mindset now has one more thing to worry about.
For anyone who has gone through this or is currently going through it, I’m sorry. No amount of “you got this” positive sentiment can make you feel better. Something will work out, and in the meantime, my messages are always open to chat, vent, and cheer you on.
Thank you for being here,
Max